In Praise of Imperfection: Accepting Your Flaws By Karen Hood-caddy

I don?t know why we all get so hung up on trying to hide or eradicate our flaws. We all have imperfections. Yet, we are often so intent on covering them up. Doing this is so self-eradicating. And it?s exhausting too.

What about just letting yourself be, flaws and all? Not in a weak, "I?m no good" kind of way, but in a strong, self-compassionate, "This is me" orientation?loving yourself, accepting yourself
as good enough, as you are, right now.

So, here?s the challenge:

For the next 2 weeks, stop trying to cover up your flaws. No defending, arguing or hiding them. Just let them be there. Admit to them in a compassionate, self-curious way.

The first thing you?ll discover is how powerful this feels. The second thing you?ll notice is how the lack of resistance creates a flow for new things to happen. I?ll give you a personal example.

A few years ago, a friend accused me of being jealous. She was developing a friendship with another person and I was reacting. At first I denied what I was feelings, then I simply fessed up. Yes, I WAS jealous. I remember the internal freedom that came from that admission. Once I had crossed this threshold, the conversation became real and caring and after that, we were able to be much more considerate of each other. The friendship became stronger than ever.

So, whatever flaw you?re trying to cover up, see if you can just let it be there. If you feel vulnerable, let that vulnerability be there too. The Course in Miracles says that vulnerability is our greatest strength. I agree. It?s a strength because it?s real. And being real is powerful.

When I first start to work with someone, one of the things I look for at the beginning is the person?s relationship to their flaws. If they own up to their imperfections, I know my work with them will probably go well but if the person spends a lot of time trying to look good or showing how they have it all together. I know I?m in for a LOT of work. Sometimes I won?t even take a person like this on, but will let the great master called LIFE work on them a little more. Sooner or later, people get very weary of defending themselves and blaming others. I know I did. : )

Byron Katie, one of the greatest living teachers for showing how to accept "What is", suggests that we truly consider all criticisms others have of us. After all, others know us well and see things that we might not. The next time, someone criticizes you, try saying to them, "Tell me more. What do you see?"

Recently, my partner?s daughter had a weekend party at our house. It was very busy and noisy (to me) and I spent most of the time sequestered in the bedroom doing my own thing. My partner said I wasn?t very participatory. I wanted to argue. Big time. But from his point of view, I wasn?t very participatory.

Why wouldn?t I be willing to look at that? Why wouldn?t I try and find ways of being more participatory if that matters to him?

I find when I own up to my imperfections, I feel more relaxed and less on guard. There?s a freedom to having people know my particular mixture of assets and liabilities. And it boosts my self esteem to know I have value anyway. But perhaps the best part is that if our imperfections are teachers for us, trying to evolve us into greater maturity, which I believe they are, then I want to bring them into my awareness.

Perhaps you might want to as well.

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How to Handle Problems By Karen Hood-caddy

Everyone who hires me has a problem. Sometimes that problem is big, sometimes it?s small and sometimes, it?s gnarly, or frightening.

Needless to say, over 30 years of coaching, I?ve learned a great deal about how to help people solve problems. I want to share with you some of the skills that will help you address the tough situations in your life with greater ease and efficiency.

Because if there?s one thing that differentiates happy people from unhappy people, it?s how they address the hard parts of life.

Here are the best tips I know to handle problems like a pro.

? To be blunt, the only people that don?t have problems are dead people. So, accept your problems and trust that they beat the alternative.

? Get bigger than your problem. People who are living a great life aren?t as affected by their problems as people who aren?t living a great life. It?s like this: If you only have one cookie and mud gets splattered on it, it?s going to feel way more significant than if you have a whole box of cookies. Most people find that the moment they begin to live juicy lives, their problems seem to diminish in size and ferocity.

? Plan for problems. I have found this a HUGE help in my own life. I used to live as if everything would go smoothly, now I give lots of room for snags and actually look for problematic areas in advance so I?m not so put out when they appear.

? Trust that solving a problem will evolve you. We often have to grow or change our attitudes to deal with a problem and that?s a good thing. I had a great teacher in Switzerland say to me, "What just about breaks you, makes you." It?s so true.

? Ask for help. There is always someone else who knows the answer to what?s problematic for us. Involve them. It will move you through the problem SO much faster.

? Start by chipping away at the problem: write down 5 small baby steps you can do to start taking the problem on. (You?ll be surprised how effective this is.)

? Know that everyone has problems, and many, many people in the world have exactly the same problem as you. This will help you feel less hard done by and less alone.

? Containerize the problem. Yesterday I woke up feeling a little down about an issue in my life. Then I realized that even though I don?t have this situation handled in the way I might like, I can still have a great day and still believe I?m a wonderful person. This thought gave me an immediate feeling of lightness. Yes, I still had the problem, but it wasn?t leaking into other areas of my life.

? Write down 5 crazy, outside the box solutions. It?s amazing how creative thinking can sometimes give us fresh ideas.

? Journal 5 ways your ?Best Self? might benefit from this problem. A communication problem with a child could give you greater empathy skills, a financial issue might make you more clear on monetary goals, a health problem could make you more committed to your physical wellbeing. Life is continually trying to evolve us. Don?t argue?grow!

I hope these suggestions were helpful. Please contact me if you?d like a complimentary idea session on how you can handle your own problems better and live YOUR BEST LIFE.

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How Meditation Has Changed My Life By Karen Hood-caddy

Every week day for the past 2 years, I?ve done a daily practice with others virtually. Here?s how it works. I call the others on the phone, then one of us rings a bell to start and then again at the end, after 30 minutes. When we?re done, we each wish each other a wonderful day and go about our business.

During the 30 minutes, we each do our own practice. Sometimes I do all mindfulness meditation, sometimes I add in some meridian tapping and at times I?ve done some energy work on myself during the half hour. I always state my intention for who I want to be as the day unfolds.

Having this daily practice has probably been the most significant factor in helping me be my best. I never would have stuck with it so consistently if others hadn?t been involved. Just knowing others were waiting for my call each day made all the difference. We?ve been going for 2 years now and I can really see how it?s changed me.

Here?s what I notice:

*Instead of helping me ?get away from it all?, my practice helps me to show up for it all. I?m clearer about who I am, so I?m not so rocked by the world and others. I can let WAY more of life in and just BE with situations that before would have been very stressful or difficult.

*It gives me a daily reminder of a bigger picture of myself and who I am as a spiritual being. Instead of reacting like a pinball machine to things in my life, I actually feel as if I have choices.

*I feel healthier than ever. No colds or flu this year....

* Since I review my intentions every day, I am much more likely to act in congruence with them during the day after this reminder.
Having a daily practice has been very rich and rewarding and I heartily encourage people to design one for themselves and then create the support to make it happen.

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Letting Go By Karen Hood-caddy

The Cost of Holding On:

Tightly clench your hand. After a few seconds, you'll notice how tiring it is to do this.

Holding on takes energy. It doesn't really matter what we're holding on to, a relationship, job, or material possession? it all takes energy.

And as the clenched hand exercise illustrates so well, you can't reach out or grasp anything new when your hands are clenched to hold on!

Why We Don't Let Go:

There are many, many reasons why we don't let go. Sometimes it means facing our grief or other challenging emotions. For example, we might not want to let go of a relationship because then we'd have to face our fear of being lonely. Or we might not want to let go of a job because we'd feel worried about money.

It's really helpful to identify these emotions. Here's a sentence completion exercise that will help you identify what emotion is holding you back. Finish this sentence with the first thing that comes to mind.

"If I let go of (fill in your situation) I'd have to face my _________________.

Once you've identified the emotion that's holding things up, practice letting that emotion go all by itself. Just for now. Using the above illustration, the person who's worried about facing their loneliness could practice saying, "I let go of my worry about feeling lonely. For now."

I use the phrase 'for now' because we can only work with ourselves in the present tense.

It helps to remind yourself that all things change. All things. Winter isn't a failure because spring is here. Change is the natural rhythm of things. In my experience, more damage is done by holding on to things too long than is done by letting go of something too early.

A Behaviour Modification Technique:

Here is a technique you will find helpful. Write a phrase or few sentences about something you'd like to let go of. Eg: "This situation at work" or "My feelings about D." Now, scrunch up that paper and burn it or throw it away or rip it into pieces. There's something powerful about putting things into a physical form like this that makes it feel more real.

Letting Go in Stages:

Another thing that will help you let go is to do it in stages. Start with a little, then work up to something larger. Like any muscle, letting go is a skill that gets easier with practice. I find this particularly helpful with thoughts and emotions that I need to release. I'll just ask myself to let go for an hour. Or an afternoon. Or a day..... Baby steps. Do you know if you change the direction of an airplane by just one degree, it will arrive in a whole different country? Small works.

Reframe the Thought:

Lastly, reframe the idea of letting go and think of it instead as moving things along. Moving things along is being in the natural flow of life and it involves releasing so the new can come in. We release the old air in our lungs so the new air can come in. We release what?s in our intestinal track so we can bring more food into our bodies. Focus on what?s coming to you rather than on what you?re releasing and you?ll find it much easier to do.

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